Kermilla's Second Chance
by Robina Snyder
Summary: Some people need hard lessons to grow, and some people are the hard lesson. Kermilla was Cassidy's hard lesson, but now she's having a hard lesson of her own. Kermilla's two years trapped with an ugly face.
1. Chapter 1

After it happened she'd hidden in the keep until she physically couldn't stay anymore because she feared for her life. The instant that she could she went and hid back in the Queen's residence in Bhak, though she knew she wouldn't be allowed to stay there very long it was better than going home, at least she thought that until the annoyed butler got one look at her face. At which point she went back to the coach and told them to take her to her parent's home. She wasn't really welcome there either, but she didn't care, she just curled up in her room and cried for three days, refusing to eat or talk to see anyone.

She'd stop her crying on the second day to try damage control. She could be smart when it was needed, though it was never really needed. She was a very pretty girl and she'd never needed to be really smart. But that was the problem, wasn't it? She wasn't pretty anymore? Not because of that illusion. Two years, two years of her life gone to that spell, two years stolen, no way to get them back and no way to make anyone suffer for her loss.

During her second day of isolation she and forced herself to stop crying and stood in front of the mirror to face her reflection. It was hard to face her reflection because it wasn't even like she was unrecognizable. It was still her. It was still her eyes, though the shape of her lids had changed and her previously wonderfully long eyelashes seemed short and nubby. It was still her dark curls, though their shine was gone and what should have seemed springy seemed lack luster instead. It was still her skin, but the soft look was gone. Her teeth weren't as straight or pleasantly white. Her lips had become thin. Her eye brows were bushy; her forehead too big, her nice triangular face was suddenly too angular. Her delicate features were too harsh, her elegant nose was too beaky. But it was still her. She could still see what she was under all the change, but maybe that was what made the hurt so much worse.

She quietly found her brush, brushing out her hair, seeing what it did. No matter how she brushed or styled it, it still seemed lack luster, though she felt the soft, full nature of her actual locks. She tried to apply makeup but it simply did not stick to the charm at all. That was what kept her crying for the entire rest of the second day and all of the third. She stopped once to wash off her make up with the same meticulous care she'd always taken, though she couldn't see it in the mirror at all. Two years of her life were gone forever already, but at the end of those years she would not let herself be less than stunning. That was one of the thoughts that crossed her mind in one of her more lucid moments.

On the fourth day her mother came. Her father had tried, but she'd hid under her blankets and screamed until he left. Her mother had a stronger hand than her father did. "Kermilla, get out of those blankets."

"No," Kermilla said stubbornly, curling up tighter. They'd see one day, they'd all see, but she couldn't let it be that day. She could put it off for one more day.

"Kermilla, you are twenty one years old, soon to be twenty two, and you are an adult. You can't be acting like a child just because you lost your court," she said.

Kermilla let out a loud sob. No, no, no, she was not going outside of her blankets or that room. Not until everything was far over. If she had to live in her bedroom for two years she would.

"Kermilla," her mother said, grabbing onto the blankets, wrenching at them, though her daughter held onto them tighter and refused to let go, surprising the older witch with her strength. "You received a letter from Lady Sabrina, and you cannot just ignore it and stay up here all day!" she snapped, getting fursted.

"Nooo," Kermilla moaned, gripping tighter onto the bed sheet until the fabric was literally ripped from her hands. She quickly covered her face and buried her head in the mattress.

"What's the matter with you? You come back here, don't speak to any of us, lock yourself in here, won't even see your father!" Her mother demanded, grabbing her daughter by the wrists and pulling her up, wrenching the young woman's hands away from her face. "Kerm-" She'd started on another fit of anger until she saw what looked back at her and then she became caught up in a breathless scream.

Kermilla burst into tears again and dove under her pillow, burying her head under it to hide her face.

"Kermilla, what happened to you? Who would do such a thing? We have to get it fixed, we have to right now, and have that bitch brought before a tribunal!" she declared.

"It can't be fixed," Kermilla said.

"What do you mean it can't be fixed, of course it can be fixed, we just go find a black widow," the woman started.

"No!" Kermilla snapped, glaring at her mother from a gap underneath her pillow. "It can't be fixed!" she snapped.

"So you're going to be like this forever?" the woman demanded.

"Two years," Kermilla said softly. Two lost years.

"Two years," her mother repeated. "Oh Kermilla, we have to talk to the Queens, we have to, for someone to do something like this to you-"

"No, we're not going to talk to anyone. There's no one who can fix it! It'll be over in two years. I don't want to do anything! I want you to leave me alone!" she shouted.

"You can't think I'm just going to let this go? Why are you accepting this?"

"Because you can't change anything, none of you can change anything, so just leave me alone!" she snapped.

"Well fine!" her mother snapped, getting angry again. She called in an open letter and threw it down on her daughter's bed. "But you can't mope around here forever! Lady Sabrina demands a response by tomorrow!" she said and stormed out.

Kermilla let out a loud scream, throwing her pillow at the wall with as much force as she could before she hopped off the bed and walked to her bathroom. She filled the sink and washed her face, angry and hurt. She looked at her reflection, that terribly repugnant reflection and saw that her crying had only made her face worse. She forced herself to calm down and quietly dried her tears, applied lotion to her face as she always did and went back to look at the letter.

_Lady Kermilla, _

_You have been given time to decide your course of action. You have been presented your options, and you have only those two options. You must decide what you will do. _

A short note, one that was written and signed by the steward, though she knew that Lady Sabrina had dictated the meaning. She had two choices, no, that wasn't right. She had three choices. She could pick one of the options that Lady Sabrina had offered her on Winsol, or she could not reply, at which point the queen of Dharo would decide for her and it would be even worse than the options she'd already been presented. She might not even be allowed to serve in any court in Dharo at all.

She quietly rose, going and finding her own personal stationary to write her response. She'd been presented with two options at Winsol: she could either spend her entire life serving as second or third circle in another queen's court, helping other women build their lives and their dreams and having none of her own; or she could face the humiliation of repeating her training years, all of them, including extra lessons on protocol (like she didn't know them already). Now she had been presented a third choice.

_In__some__ways,_she thought as she penned her response. _It__was__never__a__choice__to__begin__with_. She craved a court of her own. She'd won her first from Freckledy, won it by her own cunning that she'd learned all her life. She'd won it, but the first time it had been a good enough win. She would have to start over and it would be humiliating, but she wasn't going to give up the chance to rule just because of it. The next time she won a court they weren't going to leave her. She was only going to get men who appreciated her and who would bend to her every whim as they should, as she knew they should. She wouldn't be mean of course. She wasn't a twisted Queen, a bad Queen. She'd messed up, slipped up a little, but she hadn't won yet and she wasn't going to stop until she'd won where no one could ever take it from her.

She blew on the ink to let it dry and carefully folded up the paper, slipping it into an envelope and sealing it. She addressed it and found a shawl, using it to obscure he face to she could pass the letter to a servant to deliver. She didn't want anyone to see her face.

* * *

A/N: Kermilla is explained in a weird way. I think Anne Bishop isn't used to writing a character who is bad, but not all over evil, not as a main villain of a story. Kermilla's not completely stupid. She knows how and why she must care for the land, and I doubt she would ever shirk that duty, and she knows how not to deal with a Warlord Prince, though the parts of her that shine out the most rub the males in the story wrong. She is a character who has good ideas and even good intent, but it gets lost under crushing personality flaws.

Something else: people don't just spontaneously turn out bad. She steals things, and the only explanation that's given is that her father spoils her. I feel like, from how I saw her father react to her and her mother, and how I saw the mother, that Kermilla's mother has a lot of control over the house. I actually got feelings from my first few readings that she was actually a problem in Kermilla's life. Kermilla is spoiled, but the kind of spoiled that doesn't come from getting everything you want, but comes from getting what you want in place of being loved.

This will include a romance for Kermilla, though not immediately. I'm dead tired or I'd include a bit more, but this is just chapter one. I already had scenes and things plotted out in my head. I'm not dropping Jazen, but this idea won't go away!

Also, does anyone know the "Duchess Kermilla" stories from Neopets? It's been like maybe 7 years since I read one, but I honestly think of that story when I hear her name… also it sounds like the name for Kermit the Frog and Ms. Piggy's first little girl, doesn't it?


	2. Chapter 2

**Five days of Seven Hundred Thirty**

Sabrina sighed, glancing back at the letter she'd just received.

"Did you not think she'd return for training?" Jaenelle asked, having been at Sabrina's home for a casual visit when the letter arrived.

"I didn't think she'd agree to show her face anywhere," Sabrina said.

"Then I suppose you still don't have the measure of her," Jaenelle said thoughtfully.

"No, I suppose not," Sabrina said. "Though this request, asking me if I can tell people she's from a different territory for training, changing her name and how I present her," she muttered, wrinkling her nose, but she glanced back at Jaenelle.

"Are you going to grant her request?" Jaenelle asked, and Sabrina had the distinct impression thather choice was being tested.

"No, I don't believe I will," she said. Jaenelle nodded.

"That may be for the best," she responded.

* * *

**Seven Days of Seven Hundred Thirty.**

On the end of the fourth day of Kermilla's self made isolation she started eating again, returning to her normal diet. Kermilla was naturally beautiful, but that didn't mean that she didn't work very hard to keep herself that way. She'd always out a lot of work into how she looked, that this was suddenly stripped away was just heinous, not that she said this out loud. Her mother was still gearing up to go to the queens. Kermilla wasn't going to let that happen. If anyone, _anyone_ heard that she'd had an illusion put on her by the High Lord of Hell under the orders of Jaenelle Angelline she would become a social pariah so fast. It was better just to live with it.

The forth day was also when she sent her letter to Sabrina. She got a reply on the sixth day. Her request to not have her real name attached to this ugly face was denied. She cried again, but not as long as she had before. She'd cried a lot over the past few days, and not her pretty crying, the ugly crying she never let anyone see and didn't do very often. When she finished, she washed her face and applied her facial cream. She was even more fastidious in her beauty routine than she had been before. She was seven days into the first year, she had 358 days before the illusion started to wear off. She hoped the first thing that changed was that make up could fix her looks. It drove her crazy that she couldn't even try and fix the ugly face she was stuck with.

"You got another letter from Sabrina," he mother said. She hadn't actually gotten a chance to read the letter before it had been brought up to her daughter. Her parents had always read her mail. It was part of why she didn't like living at home. She was a queen, she deserved so much better than that.

"Yes," she said snippily.

"And?" her mother pressed.

"I'm going to be living at her court for the next year," Kermilla said. New Queens learned for a year at the Queen's residence. Mostly it was so Sabrina could keep an eye on the girls, though she rarely saw them and mostly they trained in a group of young girls. It was a three year training. The first time had put her family into incredible debt in order for her to afford new dresses and accessories (only the latest) to impress so she could get ahead. Her mother had threatened to divorce her father if he gave her any more money.

"Oh, did she offer you a position in her court?" her mother asked, although she looked a little perplexed.

Kermilla considered saying that's what was going on, because the truth was humiliating, but it would be even more humiliating if her mother bragged about the lie and then was told the truth. "No," Kermilla said, sticking out her lip in her normal pout simply because it was habit. She didn't know how much worse it made her look. "I'm start training again," she said.

"What do you mean training again?" her mother asked, dropping her voice dangerously low.

"I'm starting Queen training again," Kermilla said.

"But why?"

"I could either join a second of third circle of another queen and never have my own, or I could do the training again. I'm doing the training again," Kermilla said.

"Why don't you join a second of third circle?" her mother snapped. "You could start earning money to help pay off your debts."

"I want to have my own court!" Kermilla snapped.

"Well it doesn't matter what you want," her mother said, starting to get very angry. "You already had one court and you lost it!"

"Well, I want another," Kermilla said stubbornly.

"You're an adult, you can't keep acting like the whole world revolves around what you want. Your brothers and sisters had to go without a lot. It's time for you to sacrifice something for them," her mother said.

"I'm not going to give up my future for them," Kermilla said.

"Kermilla!"

"No, I'm not going to be living here anyway," Kermilla said, getting actually and really angry.

Her mother glared at her for a moment, but took a long, steadying breath. "Alright," she said. "you're not going to be living here, but neither will you receive anything from any of us. You are welcome to come home for Winsol, but at no other time are you to set foot in this house until you have finished your training again," she said.

"You can't!" Kermillla wailed.

"You'll find that I can," her mother said. "We love you Kermilla, but we cannot afford you anymore. You need to learn to take care of yourself." She gave Kermilla and assessing look. "When are you leaving?"

"Training begins in a week," Kermilla said.

"Then you may stay here for one week," her mother said.

"Get out," Kermilla said.

"Alright," her mother said and left. Kermilla thought of crying again, but there was no use in it. Instead she sat down at her vanity and started to work on her looks. There was no way to really fix the image that looked back at her in the mirror, but she had her pride and she was going to look as good as she could, so she started with her hair. The long, dark curls were better when she had rich, thick locks. She considered the hair cut she'd seen on girls who's hair was thinner and less shiny and called in a pair of scissors, starting to cut.

It helped, the short bob framed her face, it made her hair seem less pathetic anyway, and the shorter cut either messed with the illusion, or the illusion was meant to bend a little for certain changes, because her hair seemed to shine a bit more. She smiled, and then instantly stopped. Smiling somehow made her face look worse.

She stared at her reflection again. Her short eyelashes, no, she couldn't live with that. She went digging through her supplies, finding the false lashes that were a new innovation. She'd used them once, but they'd looked silly because she had such naturally thick eyelashes. She tried again, and was surprised that they worked. She was even more surprised and pleased when the mascara seemed to work now with the false lashes. It wasn't much, but it was better.

Kermilla stood and found the gold marks Kurran had left her, only a few hundred, something she could normally spend on a few dresses, but she was sure if she could. The dresses she had from Dene Nehele would work as new things, but they were neither in style not of a near as good quality as what she could have gotten in Dharo. It would have been so much easier if Sabrina had granted her request to treat her like some stranger from another territory. This was going to be terrible.

_I don't care how terrible it is_, Kermills thought. _I want to rule. She's not going to stop me. _

* * *

**Fifteen Days of Seven Hundred Thirty**

It was Kermilla's first official day, as most of the fourteenth day of her sentence had been spent packing and moving. It was also the day the rest of her family had gotten to see her face for the first time. Her siblings had laughed, actually _laughed_ at her, especially that annoying little brat Ainsley, who was only a yellow jeweled witch and not at all attractive. For the first time in her life Kermilla was less attractive than Ainsley. If she hadn't basically been cried out she would have burst into tears. As it was, she had held her head high and ignored them.

The one person who hadn't actually laughed had been her father, but he wasn't of much use. He'd kissed her brow and told her that he loved her, and he would love her for the two years it took for her to come back to him as his favorite girl. She felt like that should have comforted her, but it didn't and she couldn't figure out why.

She forgot about the goodbyes when she arrived at Sabrina's palace. She had a few nice dresses, a bit off season, but not terrible. They would have to do until she could find a way to get more money, though she couldn't think of how at all. She had the few hundred gold marks left from Kurran, part of which she'd spent during the week so she could stock up on false eye lashes and hair accessories that were better suited to her new style. Normally she would just charm a man until he would buy her anything she wanted, except now she had no way to charm a man.

She tried not to think about that. She would get a small allowance from Sabrina, but not much, not enough to keep up with the fashion of the day. She tried not to think about that either, but she didn't know what to do. She'd always just been prettier than other girls. It was her job to outshine them all, it was the only way she could win, the only way she could really be good. And suddenly it was gone. She didn't know what she was going to do.

Her first day of classes were not easy. First of all she had protocol classes that no one else had. Her day started earlier, and the breaks the other girls had she didn't have. Besides that she knew instantly that everything was wrong. It would have been enough of a problem that she was three years (nearly four years) older than all of the other girls, but she could see instantly the girls that she should have fit in with. The problem was that they got one look at her face and laughed. They weren't even subtle about it.

She heard them talking about her, not so quietly whispering about how pathetic it was that she was trying to dress up all nice when she had a face like that. Well she couldn't help it. At that moment she hated them instantly, and wanted nothing more than to make them pay for laughing at her. That was followed very quickly by a feeling of hopeless despair. The truth was that there was nothing she could do, not when her face looked like it did at that moment. No man, none, was going to be drawn to her. In two years, maybe even less she would be attractive enough that she could steal their lovers, but it would be a long time to wait for her revenge.

The shift between anger and despair left her exhausted by day's end, so much so that she simply went to her room, refusing to talk to the other girls and instead went back to her room. She carefully washed and tended to her far before crawling into her bed and falling fast asleep.

* * *

**Forty-Seven of Seven Hundred Thirty**

Sabrina was having an event; a party after the first month of the Queen's training. It was the first event that the young Queens would attend, and it was thought of as one of their first training grounds. For most of the girls there was a lot of excitement to the event, especially since escorts and consorts in training would also be attending, and it would be a chance for the girls to try themselves out around males, trying to see how to act around them, or even trying to see if there would be any who would be willing to serve them in the future.

The only one of the girls who was not excited was Kermilla. She had one dress that could be considered acceptable for the event, and even it was a little off fashion. Besides that there was little she could do to hide her face. It had trickled around who she was, Kermilla, one of the youngest queens to get a court in Dharo's history, and also one of the youngest to lose her court: just a year and it had been taken away from her. There were also rumors circulating about how she'd lost her face.

She wouldn't tell, not the truth anyway. The prevailing rumor was that someone in Terrielle had cast the illusion on her for trying to force him into her bed. This was hardly true, she hadn't tried to discourage the part that it happened it Terrielle. It actually had happened while she was still there. She had flatly denied the part about trying to force a man into her bed. "I had never needed to force anyone. They always came of their own free will," she said. Of course there were rumors too about her consort having resigned to merely her first escort as well, but they weren't that prevalent.

She was just getting tired of the way people looked at her. She wouldn't have even gone to the event if it wasn't a mandatory part of training. The day was fast approaching too. She sighed heavily at her dress. It was acceptable, but it was a bit too long. She couldn't even afford a tailor to bring the hem up either, and she didn't know how to sew at all. After all, what aristo girl, especially a Queen, needed to learn to sew?

Kermilla jumped when there was a quiet knock on the door. "Come in," she said, still clutching her heart as it pounded wildly.

"Lady Kermilla," the girl said, coming in. She was a little taller than Kermilla, but slimmer, though she also lacked the curves Kermilla did.

"Briony, what do you want?" Kermilla snapped.

"Can you help me?" Briony asked, fiddling with her blonde hair. It was such a pretty white blonde color, though it was a real shame that the girl didn't understand what to do with it at all. She had no understanding of her body, of her face, of her own looks. She would never be beautiful, but if she could learn to walk right and could understand how she looked, Briony could easily be very pretty.

"What do you need?" Kermilla snapped, frustrated. Briony had been following her around like a lost chick for weeks now. The girl was not aristo. She wore a purple dusk jewel, but she had no social understanding of anything. Kermilla easily could find out about background. Even if she wasn't a part of the best circle this time, she could still find out information. She knew that Briony was an immigrant from Little Terrielle from right before the witch storm. Before that her mother, a hearth witch, had taught her daughter to clean houses like her. Briony also did not have an understandable background. She looked like somewhere in her background she might have had ancestors from Glacia, though with how larger her brown eyes it was possible that she might have had a Dea al mon ancestor. Though all of this must have come from her father's side, because her mother had very firmly been a refugee from Terrielle from even before the services fair had started. Briony was also a bastard. Most of this Kermilla knew because Briony had told her, during the endless chatter that always seemed to flow from the girl's mouth.

"Everything!" Briony said, looking near tears. "Lady Kermilla, I don't know anyway how to be ready for this event," she said.

"Why are you coming to me?" Kermilla asked, carefully applying her facial lotion.

"Because everyone says that you're so beautiful, I thought for sure that you'd know I could look good," Briony said.

Kermilla didn't look at her. She was angry, actually. What, she was supposed to get this little bastard all prettied up when she herself would look like hell because of the terrible spell? "How long have you been waiting to ask me this?" she asked.

"About a week," the younger girl said. "But I was scared you'd say no and I wasn't sure how well I'd do if you said no," she said.

"Stop," Kermilla said, not wanting to hear the chatter. "_Oh la,_ are you going to gnammer at me nonstop if agree to do this?"

"No, no, no, of course, not. I would do anything, even be completely silent," Briony said.

"Being completely silent's a good idea," Kermilla said. "No man wants to hear so much gnammering," she said and Briony seemed properly chastised. "But that's not what I want," she said.

"What do you want?" Briony asked.

"I don't know," Kermilla said. "But it better be something good," she said. "If I can get you properly pretty for the event then you owe me something really good, especially since I only have a week to do it in," she said.

Briony nodded. "I'll get you something really, really good, I promise," she said.

"Alright, let's start with your hair," Kermilla said. Briony had thin hair like her illusion did, and she'd tried to imitate Kermilla's perfectly kept bob, but to no avail. It looked uneven and shaggy. Kermilla stood, letting Briony sit down in her seat at her vanity while Kermilla began to cut.

Briony stay perfectly still while Kermilla worked for a while. "Kermilla, why aren't you cutting with craft?"

"Not as precise," Kermilla said. At least her cutting with craft wasn't as precise, and seeing the shaggy job Briony had done, it was clearly not as precise for her either. It quickly became obvious that Brioney had made a mistake at some point, one that she hid under all the shag, but could not be hidden with how Kermilla had been trying to fix her hair. She ended up having to do a very, very short cut, one like a boy's cut. Thankfully Briony had a cute face, but Kermilla would never have been suited to that look.

"There, at least it doesn't look so messy," Kermilla said.

"Thank you, Lady Kermilla," Briony said.

"I'm not doing this for free," she responded.

"Is that the dress you're wearing?" Briony asked.

"Why?" Kermilla asked.

"Well, it's a little long isn't it, can't you bring up the hem?"

"How? I can't afford to pay anyone," Kermilla said. She still had some of her money left from Theran, but it was dwindling fast. She'd never had to be so frugal in her life before.

"No, I can do it for you," Briony said. "I'm good at sewing. I can teach you too, it's easy," she said.

"_Oh la,_ why would I need to learn that? I'm a Queen," Kermilla said.

"So am I," Briony said.

"Not a proper one."

Briony looked hurt before sticking her lower lip out a bit in a pout. "There's nothing wrong with working with your hands. You cut my hair without craft."

"That's different."

"No it's not. If you have a steady hand then you can probably learn to sew. Besides, sewing saves money on buying new dresses and things. You can take old things and make them look new, and they'll be completely different then what anyone has," she said.

Kermilla didn't respond for a minute, just considered. "Okay, that's my price," she said.

"What is?"

"I'll teach you to be pretty, and you teach me how to sew."

* * *

A/N: Freak, I'm done. This was written in the back of a rental car on a five hour trip. It's not the best chapter, but Briony just insisted on existing. The Prince and the ball will be next chapter, I swear!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Is it selfish to want reviews before I post a new chapter? Oh well, here's the third of this. I can't believe I'm so far successfully doing 3 fics at once.

* * *

**Fifty out of Seven Hundred Thirty**

Kermilla looked at herself in the mirror and winced. It was her face; there was nothing she could do to make it look better. She would have looked so lovely if her face wasn't ruined by the spell. It wasn't like she hadn't put a lot of effort into the rest of her. The false lashes and mascara were prefect. She'd applied hand lotion for days until her hands were incredibly smooth and soft. Each name was painted and delicately decorated. Her dress, once shorted (and a few flourishes added) looks quiet stylish and the jewelry she'd picked went perfectly with the spring green dress.

There was one thing she didn't like about her look, and that was the simple, silver cuff she was wearing. Briony had insisted on it. It was the one Theran had given her for Winsol, and it was all his fault that she looked like this now. If he hadn't tried to get rid of her, if he hadn't broken his promises she would have been Queen of that dinky little territory and not here doing Queen's training again with this terrible curse on her face. But she wore the damn cuff.

"Come on, you look lovely, and we'll be late," Briony said, grabbing Kermilla's hand and starting to drag her out.

"I don't look lovely at all," Kermilla pouted. "I look hideous," she said. She hadn't felt this bad for herself in a long while, but then she hadn't been forced to be out in front of society to show off her ugly face.

"Yes you do, Kermilla," Briony said with a smile. "You put so much work into everything that you could help, and that really shows. People will understand," she said.

"No they won't," Kermilla said. "You know what the other girls will say. "_Oh la, she looks so nice in everything else, why didn't she bother to do anything about her face? She should had covered it with gauze and said she had an accident instead. Oh well, I suppose it doesn't matter since she looks so bad, we'll all look better._"" She imitated.

"And how do you know they'll say such things?" Briony asked, not believing because she'd never been in the inner aristo circles.

Kermilla didn't say anything. She knew because she'd said them before, about other girls, about Freckledy. It was how she'd entertained her friends… although none of them were around now. None had come near her, and she'd even seen a few. If she saw them she would also see them turn their heads away.

She glanced over at Briony, whose appearance was just salt in Kermilla's wounds that day. Briony did look lovely, of course she did. Kermilla had spent a huge amount of time helping Briony get her dress together, telling her what to add to the dress. (It had been mostly premade, but it was from a few seasons back, so it had to be changed) It was a lovely mix of royal blue, periwinkle, and light grey which went well with Briony's look. The time that Kermilla normally spent on her own face she instead spent on Briony's. In some ways it was affirming to know that Kermilla did have the skills to make beauty like she'd thought she did. But it still hurt.

The two arrived in the ballroom. It all looked lovely, of course it did. It was the Spring Showing of the young Queens. Kermilla had loved the first time she went. It had been so dazzling, and all the men had been so handsome and all of them so interested in her. There was no way that any man would be willing to look at her in the face and really want to dance with her. It would b a lie, a complete lie. No man really found such an ugly woman beautiful, and if he did then she wouldn't have wanted him anyway… two lonely years.

She sighed heavily then laughed a bit when Briony surprised her by tickling her side. "Stop it," she said, batting the younger girl's hand away. "You need to act like a lady. Important connections will be made for you tonight," she said.

"What about you? What about your connections?" Briony asked.

"I already had plenty," Kermilla said with a haughty smirk. "Now go," she said, pushing Briony out to the dance floor. She knew Briony knew how to dance, but she was too shy. The second a young Warlord asked her to dance Briony was swept up. Kermilla sat on the sidelines at a table, sipping the Champaign that had been set in front of her.

"Well, I'm surprised," came a voice that Kermilla did not want to hear. "Ugly Kermy showed up. I was sure you'd fake any illness in order to escape this."

"Elizabeth," Kermilla said, watching the young woman sit down at her table. Elizabeth was indeed very beautiful, but never as beautiful as Kermilla was without the spell. She was also the leader of the aristo girls, a spot that Kermilla should have had. "It's lovely for you to come sit with me," she said.

"Oh yes, I am so lovely, Ugly Kermy," she said.

"Yes, but you are clearly not clever," Kermilla said, sipping her drink. "Ugly Kermy? Is that really the best you can do? How about Kermugly? No, that's hardly fitting. Let's see… the worst feature on this face is probably the skin around my eyes, so how about Droopy?" she asked. "See, that's so much more clever. Call me Droopy from now on."

"Oh, deflecting, something an Ugly girl has to learn, I suppose," Elizabeth said.

"Yes, except that I learned to be clever by reading books, something I don't think you've had much experience with," Kermilla said. As a little girl her favorite books were the old aristo novels where the lead woman was oh so witty. She'd practiced the classic comebacks to herself in the mirror all the time until she got very good at even the exact intonation of the character in her mind. "But you can think it's deflecting. I don't mind if you want to believe in a lie."

"Oh, you're so smug, when I know you cry at night over how hideous your face looks," Elizabeth said with a cruel smile.

"And I know you weep at night because in a year and half, when the spell isn't even fully worn off, I will be even more beautiful than you and everything you've built up till now will come crumbling down around you. And you know why? It's because I work on my looks, and I know exactly what works and what doesn't. I can't imagine what's wrong with you, coming in here wearing a pink dress. You look like a pig. No, a lavender dress would have looked surprisingly lovely on you, but you chose a dress like what Lady Sabrina wore to the last ball to associate yourself with her. I can tell you now that it's not going to work. You're not a very strong queen, you never will be, and once I'm back to normal there isn't going to be anyone who wants to serve you," she said, smiling pleasantly. She finished her Champaign and stood. "Enjoy your evening, lady," she said and walked off.

Okay, it was a little meaner than normal, but Kermilla felt better. She shut the bitch up for the moment, not that Elizabeth wouldn't be back with a vengeance. What Kermilla really needed was a bit of leverage, just a little something she could use to control Elizabeth. Normally she could flirt her way to the top and lord it over such a girl, but she wouldn't be able to do that for a while. She'd have to be a lot more cunning to get such information.

Kermilla went and got another drink before she wandered around. She used her drink to hide the lower half of her face because she thought that would help with her face, and she stayed moving, which wouldn't allow people a good chance to see her. Her wandering was how she saw him. He was tall and broad shouldered with artistically messy brown hair and lovely dark brown eyes. He was dancing with one of Elizabeth's inner circle And he was beautiful, so very beautiful. He glanced up and for just a moment he was sure that he'd caught her eye. _Mine!_

And she fled, out to the balcony, shaking with the crushing weight of what she'd just felt. It was like when she'd first met Theran, except different, deeper, far more than what it had been with Theran. Theran was like a first escort, someone she'd go to bed with because he was special to her, and she was special to him, but not someone she'd see wanting to be exclusive with or even truly caring about if he shared his bed… this man, this man with the beautiful brown eyes that she didn't know. He was like a consort. And she wanted him so badly. Which was why she fled. She couldn't possibly, possibly let him see her like she was now.

She sat down on one of the stone benches on the balcony, closing her eyes. She felt tears coming up and she tried to force them down. It just wasn't fair! She'd never felt so strong drawn to someone, and if she didn't want him to be completely repulsed by her then she'd have to stay far away. If she got too close to him then he'd probably reject her. No one had never offered to dance with her, and they'd even offered to dance with women like Cassidy. She was far too ugly for anyone to want her, and she didn't want the lie.

"Excuse me, miss?" came a lovely warm, male voice from behind her.

"Go away" Kermilla said. She took a deep breath to try and steady herself, but all she did was inhale his psychic scent. _Mine!_ She felt it again. It was him and she wanted to run, she wanted to run so far away, but he was coming closer and she couldn't move. She lowered her head and buried her face in her hands, trying to hide, trying to delay the inevitable.

"Go away?" the man asked, such a lovely candor to his words and a joke in his voice. He sat down in front of her on the bench, which she could tell by his warmth. "Why so I ignore such a beautiful woman when I've just caught sight of her.

Kermilla let out a very bitter laugh. "I'm not beautiful and all, I'm hideous," she said.

"Now that can't be true," he said, reaching up and lightly touching her wrists, tugging them away from her face. He set down her hands and she gripped the fabric of her dress on her knees, keeping her head very firmly down. But warm hands slipped under her chin, guiding her face up. When she saw his face again there was such on it. She felt tears coming to her eyes again.

"Please," she whispered softly, casting her eyes down, just wanting him to go away so she could sob in peace. So much was taken from her already, why this now too?

"Who did this to you?" he asked, and the low tone of anger surprised her. She looked up and shivered, feeling the temperature drop around her. "Tell me who did this to you so I can kill them," he said and stood.

Kermilla jumped up, throwing herself on him, grabbing onto him. "No!" she snapped, feeling the temperature warm a little. Good, she'd knocked him off his cold anger. "No, you can't. it'll wear off," she said.

"How long? How long do you have to suffer through this?" he asked.

"It will start fading in 315 days, and be gone completely in 680," she said softly.

"Two years? You're trapped with this for two years?" The Prince asked, going cold again. "I'm going to murder her," he said. "Tell me who the bitch is who did this." He demanded.

Kermilla looked up at him. He would go do it. "You can't," she said quietly. "It's the Queen," she said. "Jaenelle Angelline made it," she said. "And her father in acted it," she said. Well, that threw him off his cold anger. He was the only one she'd told and for good reason. No one who went against the SaDiablo family lived for very long or was included in anything. So she tremblingly let him go. "Go now, leave me alone," she said. It was over. Her life was really over. Of course he was going to tell everyone. Even if she completed her training and the spell faded, no way she could get twelve males to serve her, not now.

She sniffled, turning away so she wouldn't have to see him leave and began to really cry. It was really over this time. She was going to lose everything else. She felt a sob climb up her throat and them large warm arms around her from behind, holding her against him. "What?" she asked softly turning around a bit so she could see the Prince standing behind her.

"Do you really want me to leave you?" he asked.

"No," she said. "No, I want you to stay," she said.

"Then ask me to stay," he said.

"But I'm hideous," she cried, starting to sob again.

"No, you're not. You're beautiful. It's the spell that's hideous," he said. "But it doesn't change who you are," he said. He leaned down and kissed her cheek again and she let out another sob. She hadn't expected any kisses at all for the next few years.

"What's wrong?" he asked, worried because she was still sobbing after he'd kissed her.

"Thank you," she said softly, wrapping her arms over his arms that held her, and gripping onto his hands, as if she really needed the strength that was holding her up. "I needed someone to say that," she said quietly.

The Prince let out a sigh of relief and led her over back to the bench. He sat down, letting her sit leaning up against him. "So, I think you owe me an explanation," he said after she'd sat against him and cried for a while, calming down some.

"What explanation?" she asked.

"Why you got this spell on you," he said.

"Oh," she said. "I don't really know," she said. "I never interacted with any of them," she said. "So I don't know, but He said that if something wasn't done that I'd be dead by the end of the year," she said.

"He?" the Prince asked.

"The High Lord," she said softly, shuddering in remembrance of him. She'd never, never even approached Lucivar Yaslana or Daemon Sadi. They both terrified her and she didn't want anything to do with them. If she'd been smart she'd have seen who the older man was before he actually could touch her, but she'd been so upset over everything else that she hadn't noticed at all.

"So… they did it to save your life then?" He asked. Kermilla looked up, shocked. She'd never thought about it like that.

"I… don't really know," she said. She didn't understand why they'd done it. She didn't get it at all. She'd seen it as them abusing their powers but she didn't know why and she hadn't asked. She couldn't even remember everything He had said to her because she'd been so distraught.

"I see," the Prince said and kissed the top of her head. "So, how about I get your name now,"

"Kermilla," she said. "How about I get yours," she said.

"Fenton," he said. "Yeah, I know it's silly. Call me Fen if you like," he said.

"No, Fenton's nice," she said, straightening up. "Thank you, Prince Fenton," she said.

"For what?" he asked.

"For comforting me… for seeing what I am," she said. She turned around and leaned down, placing a soft kiss on his lips. It felt like lightening, but she ignored it because if she didn't then she'd never leave. "Have a good evening," she said.

"Where are you going?" he asked, standing up, still looking a little dumbfounded from the kiss.

"Bed, it's been a long day," she said and headed back in, en route back to her room. She'd been at the party, she'd bowed to Sabrina. She didn't need to stay for the whole event. Besides, it wasn't going to get any better than it already was.

* * *

**Fifty-One out of Seven Hundred Thirty.**

The next day, Prince Fenton went to the keep. He'd heard the High Lord had retired to there, and even if he didn't, surely someone would know. "Prince," Geoffrey greeted in his normal rather blank manner. Fenton had visited the Keep since he was a little boy, reading as many craft books as he could before his mother could afford to send him to school.

"Geoffrey," Fenton said with a smile. They knew each other. He'd met Draca a few times. He found her… interesting but not frightening. As a boy he'd followed her around and asked her tons of questions until a tall, imposing man with brown skin and golden eyes and told him not to.

"Do you need something?" the pale man asked.

"Yes," the Prince said. "I need to speak to the High Lord," he said. "Please," he added, seeing Geoffrey stiffen.

"And to what is this meeting pertaining?" he asked.

"I'm sorry, but I'd rather speak about it to the High Lord," Fenton said.

"Is there a reason you won't identify your reasons?" Geoffrey asked.

"I'm afraid he won't see me," he said bluntly. "And I know that it's a huge breach to etiquette, and he'll probably be very angry, but I'll take the chance of that because there's just something I have to know and if I have to sit in the hall and wait my entire life I'm not leaving here until I can speak with him," Fenton said. He was always that genuine, always that blunt, and probably always would be if someone didn't kill him for not being able to keep his mouth shut.

Geoffrey's lips twitched almost imperceptibly, but Fenton was sure he'd seen it. "I shall speak to him," he said. "In the mean time, we are clearing out some old books, if you'd like something to do." His lips almost twitched again when he saw Fenton's eyes get wide and interested.

"Oh! Can I?" he asked and Geoffrey nodded, leading him to the gate to Terreille, and to the room where the High Lord had been working on the book destruction project. He watched for just a moment, amused as the young man started to hum, sorting through books like he wouldn't rather be anywhere else, which knowing him he probably wouldn't be. Then Geoffrey turned and left to find the High Lord.

* * *

A/N: Yeah, finally finished this! Normally I don't end sort of… mid incident, but it will give me a reason to come back to it. I think I'm starting to get Kermilla better. I like it when she'd being clever and devious and I like how easily she can get very bad. Thank goodness for Briony and Fenton (who I really, really love). Fenton is a Prince, not a Warlord Prince, but with the way he's acting, I feel like he could be a Warlord Prince. Let's just chalk it up to meeting the love of his life and being off balanced from it. Fenton and Briony both have nice back stories that will come out later.

Also, I really, really would appreciate reviews. When people read and don't review, especially if they did review before I wonder if there's something wrong with the chapter. I can't fix anything if I don't know what's wrong and right, so talk to me!


	4. Chapter 4

**Fifty-One out of Seven Hundred Thirty.**

"You have someone to see you, High Lord," Geoffrey said.

"Someone in particular?" Saetan asked, looking up from the pages of the new book shipment.

"Not someone you know," Geoffrey answered.

"But someone you do," Saetan said. "Why has this person come to see me then?"

"He won't say," Geoffrey said, seeing the flash of temper in Saetan's eyes. "He said he will only discuss it with you," he added.

"And you're letting me have him so I can bury him?" Saetan asked, removing his glasses and setting them down on the stack of papers he'd previously been reading.

"No," Geoffrey said, his tone a bit sharper as well. "He is… not bad," he said. "And he wouldn't ask for something he didn't need. Whatever his reasons are, he is willing to accept the consequences, which is why I would like for you to speak with him."

Saetan looked at the older man for a moment before nodding. It occurred to him that there was something protective about Geoffrey's words, protection that meant that the pale man would never let anyone near Saetan SaDiablo who he felt would cause him harm.

"Then I will speak to him. Where is he?" he asked.

"I sent him to deal with your little project."

"That was a bit cruel, don't you think?" Saetan asked, his lips twitching a bit.

"I believe Prince Fenton feels as though I have given him an early Winsol gift."

This time Saetan did laugh. He was still chuckling as he lit the candles and walked into the Keep in Terreille, and still smiling when he walked into the room and noticed the young man flipping through pages of a book that was falling apart.

"You enjoying yourself?" Saetan asked.

The young Prince, to his credit, didn't jump but he did look up. "This is fine poetry, sir," he said. "I'm sorry… have we met before?" he asked.

"Not that I'm aware of," Saetan responded, coming more into the room. The young man's psychic scent was somewhat familiar, but not exactly right enough for him to place it.

"Oh! I remember, you were the one who told me to stop asking Lady Draca so many questions… may I say sir, you haven't aged a day," the Prince said with a smile that was so near a smirk Saetan was tempted to slap him. Being teased by someone a fraction of his age, it wasn't proper, especially from someone he didn't know, but he didn't see any harm in the young man.

"Oh yes, I do remember you, always clinging to Draca's skirts until she nearly fell over. You were a lot smaller then," he said, walking over to examine the book the Prince was looking at, which he noticed the young man carefully shifted so he could see.

"I'm a lot older than before," the Prince said. "This book is really old," he pointed out.

"Yes it is," Saetan said, wondering what in the world such a big jump was for.

"Do you think if I transcribe everything they'll still want to throw away the text?" he asked.

"What?" Saetan asked, having missed the mental jumps that got him to such a question.

"I mean, I know you get rid of books from dead cultures, but this is really good poetry, and it seems a shame to just throw it away," the Prince said, and it finally clicked in Saetan's mind what the young man was talking about.

"We're getting rid of books that aren't of any use to anyone anymore. If the language is still good enough that you can read it, and the spells aren't so bad that you can't read it, then we'll have someone transcribe it and keep a copy," he explained.

"Great," the young man said, looking back at the poem on the page.

"What are you doing here?" Saetan asked.

"Waiting for someone," the Prince responded.

"I know, Geoffrey asked me to speak with you," Saetan said, watching the conversation change.

The Prince straightened up and looked at him. "You're the High Lord," he said. It wasn't a question.

"Yes, I am," Saetan responded. "Now, I'll ask you again, what are you doing here?"

"I need the answer to a question," The Prince said. "One that only you can answer for me… and I can't proceed until I get my answer."

"Can't proceed with what?"

"My life," the Prince answered.

"Then ask me your question," Saetan responded.

"I met the woman I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with last night," The Prince said, and Saetan had a feeling that the Prince often made such verbal jumps.

"And you're sure about this?" Saetan asked.

"When you know, you know, right?" the Prince asked.

"Yes, I suppose so," the High Lord responded.

"I saw her and I felt all of what I am center around her, but she slipped out of the party I was attending. I thought she'd seen me, so I couldn't understand… and I found out later that she'd left to try and hide from me… which means that she felt like I did." There was too much of a question on that last sentence for Saetan's liking.

"Why did she run away?"

"Her face is ugly," the Prince answered so bluntly, but Saetan felt something clench in his stomach, like he knew the answer but didn't want to know it.

"A man who really found the woman he loves wouldn't say that," Saetan said.

"No, he wouldn't, except that it wasn't my lady's face, it was an illusion, one that's not coming off," and there was a snarl in the Prince's voice.

"Then yes, I have the answer to your question," Saetan responded. Of course he did. "She told you I did it? Did she think you could talk me into fixing it?"

"No, she told me because she thought it would scare me away," the Prince said.

"Which didn't work."

"Which didn't work," The Prince repeated. "You answered one of my questions, but not _the _question."

"Then what is your question?'

"Why?" The Prince asked. There was no accusation in his tone, just a question.

"The woman you're in love with is not a good person," Saetan said.

"And you are?" the Prince asked, not accusing or judging, just asking.

"I did not decide on what happened to her, my daughter did," he answered.

"Ah," the Prince said. He stopped, thought for a moment, then nodded. "Okay, continue, please."

"The woman you refer to, Lady Kermilla," he waited, seeing the recognition in the Prince's eyes to be sure. "Ignored her duty as a Queen, while waiting to steal another Queen's court. She has done this before," he said. "Where did you meet here?"

"Lady Sabrina's Spring event, to introduce the Queen's in training to society," he said. "I wondered why she was in the training; she's older than the other girls."

"She was given the choice by Lady Sabrina to retake the training. Her small court drained two small towns dry within a year," he said. The Prince nodded, clearly listening.

"But, what the illusion?"

"Lady Angelline gave her a second chance," Saetan said.

"And if she hadn't?"

Lady Kermilla would be dead within the year," Saetan responded.

The Prince was silent for a long time, just thinking. Then his face lit up in a smile. "Alright then, that's good," he said.

"Excuse me?" Saetan asked, having not expected that reaction.

"If Lady Angelline gave her a second chance, then that must mean there's something good enough in her to grow, right?" The Prince asked.

"Yes," Saetan said.

"Then it's okay. When the training's over I can serve in her court, and the spell will have worn off by then," he chirped.

"You wouldn't take her with the spell on?"

"I don't think she'll take me until it's gone… and it takes more than a look to court a lady… two years is more than enough time," the Prince said. "What, you're surprised?"

"Your reaction is merely unexpected," Saetan answered.

"It shouldn't be," the Prince said, and Saetan felt like it probably shouldn't have been. "I've met plenty of bad queens, but if she's willing to change then she can't be bad," he said.

"And who says she's willing to change?"

"Lady Angelline did," he said. Saetan was not sure that was what he would have gotten from his own words, but the boy's implicit faith in Jaenelle was in some way comforting. "Oh yes, one more thing," the Prince said, stopping at the door. "After these two years are over, you are no longer necessary in my lady's life, and I won't appreciate you bothering her again. Thank you for your time," he said and left.

Saetan found a chair and sat down, looking at the still open book of poems. A minute later he found himself laughing. It had been a long time since he'd had anyone who wasn't related to him and so much weaker than him tell him to butt out. He couldn't help but imagine what kinds of problems such a man would cause for the female he set his eyes on.

* * *

**Fifty-Five out of Seven Hundred Thirty. **

Kermilla didn't expect to see Prince Fenton ever again after that night. That hurt more than any other part of her two year sentence. Five days had passed with no word of him. She assumed that he, like most people, would run from a woman who had been deemed wrong by the SaDiablo family. She was untouchable, it didn't matter that he'd tried to comfort her.

She expected to never see him again, so she was surprised when she found him standing at her door five days after the party. "P-Prince Fenton!" she stammered, shocked to see him. She hadn't even put on her false eye lashes. She couldn't have looked worse, and yet there he was, smiling away at her.

"I got you something," he said, bowing and offering her a small flower. It was so… childish. Normally she would have been insulted, but today she felt her heart hammer in her chest and watched as her hands actually reached out and took the flower.

"What's this for?" she asked.

"To prove a point," the Prince said.

"Which is?" she asked, and was surprised when he straitened him himself from his bow and kissed her.

"That you're worth my time," he said.

"What?" she asked, terribly confused.

"I'm courting you, officially now," he said. He lifted one of her hands and kissed the back. "I'll see you soon, Lady," he said and walked off, leaving Kermilla standing there holding the flower, looking confused and blushing.

After a few moments of staring at where Prince Fenton had been she quietly closed the door and went to her bathroom. She filled a glass of water and quietly set the little wild flower in the cup, placing it on her desk. The Prince was courting her? Now? When she looked like she did? She didn't even know how to wrap her head around it.

* * *

A/N: What, both short and took so long?

Yeah, sorry, just been having a weird week is all. I'll get more of this later. My apologies!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Word to the wise: make sure you keep notes on your characters or else you'll forget everything!

* * *

**One Hundred Three out of Seven Hundred Thirty**

Kermilla didn't know how the time had flown by so quickly, but spring had started to wan into summer before she knew it. The training was easier this time because she actually knew everything already. Although she was surprised how much she didn't remember. She found many times that she would hear something and the memories would come back in a rush. She was sure she'd passed the training before, how come there were so many things she didn't remember.

The one thing she'd be the most happy about getting rid of were the protocol lessons. Mostly they were repetition of things she already knew… and they were repeated over and over again until they had no meaning at all. Thankfully those lessons would only last six months so long as the instructor passed her. She could practically say everything by heart now, so that shouldn't be a problem.

The one thing she was most surprised to be enjoying was her sewing lessons with Briony. They did a little work most nights, and worked longer on the rest days. Briony had been right that she had a steady hand. They'd started with simple things: mending, buttons, simple stitches. But Kermilla picked up the craft easily. She's moved on to small things like making little pillows, hemming and adding things to a dress like lace or beading. She was improving rapidly, as Briony noticed.

"Eventually you'll be able to make your own dresses from scratch," Briony said one day.

"I don't know," Kermilla said, feigning humility. She liked the idea.

"I think you could be really good at it," Briony said. "We have a few weeks off during the summer. My mother owns a dress shop," she said.

"What are you trying to say?" Kermilla asked.

"Well, if you really want to make dresses you should work for my mother… she'll pay you too," the younger Queen added. She knew that Kermilla had been trying to stretch her funds as much as possible, but she was wearing it out. Kermilla had to pay for the false eyelashes and they really weren't in expensive, and the few times she'd been able to wear a pair more than once her eyes itched more those days. Besides that she'd had to pay Briony back for buttons, fabrics and laces that she worked with.

"I don't need your pity," Kermilla said, simpering a bit.

"It's not pity," Briony said. "We were really broke when we first got here. I know what it's like to really want something and not be able to afford it. Besides that… if you work with my mother you can get really good. You have a really steady hand and you have an instinct for sewing and you know fashion really well. You know exactly what's popular this season, even why. It'll be less expensive if you make your own dresses and they'll be completely one of a kind and exactly what you want it to be."

Kermilla leaned back in her seat a bit and smirked. "I'm starting to rub off on you. You're getting more manipulative."

Briony flushed. "Oh, I didn't mean-"

"Don't fall all over yourself. I'll work for your mother. I am running out of money… and I'm not welcome at home, not that I'd want to go home anyway," she added, trying to sound strong, but somehow she really meant it. She'd gotten a few letters from her father trying to be encouraging but they just made her more unhappy and reminded her of her problems. She'd gotten one or two letters from her mother trying to guilt her into quitting and joining a court so she could help support the family. Kermilla had burned all her letters from home. It was her life, she wasn't going to spend it tied to her mother's wishes or serving her family.

"I'm sorry," Briony said.

"Don't be," Kermilla said simply, ending that line of discussion completely.

"Oh… but what about the Prince?" she asked.

"What about him?" Kermilla asked, getting flustered now. Prince Fenton had shown up about once a week, each time on his day off from his contract. He served as a third circle escort for a Province Queen in Sabrina's second circle. It meant that he was fairly busy, but it also meant that he was fairly sought after. He would always come with little gifts, some fruit, or a little inexpensive hairpin. Maybe she would have been insulted before, but she got a gift of new sewing needles she realized he had brought her things that she needed. The fruit was her favorite type of apple. The hair pins gave her new options with her hair and were great for playing with Briony's hair too. The needles came just when she was down to her last after she'd lost her others and unlike the one's she'd been working with, Fenton's gift set was completely brand new.

"Will he still be able to see you?" Briony said.

"It's not important," Kermilla said. Really, it was kind of embarrassing. He was a purple dusk Prince who won friends easily with his charm and had a great position the first time he'd ever been placed as a real member of a court. He'd trained with Sabrina's escorts and he's spent six months during his training working in the 8th circle of Karla of Glacia, on Sabrina's recommendation. Since Jaenelle Angeline had official disbanded her court, young queens and escorts who would have been sent to work under Jaenelle for a short period were instead sent to other courts around Terrielle. Karla of Glacia was known for being very tough for most males to get along with. Mostly she scared them, but Fenton had loved her, referring to her as 'auntie' just to drive her crazy. When his contract ended in a few months he was going to be highly sought after by young Queens starting their first court.

"He really likes you," Briony pointed out.

"That's the problem," Kermilla said.

"How can that be a problem?" Briony asked.

"He's brilliant," Kermilla said.

"I don't understand," Briony said.

"You really think that anyone's going to accept him courting me?" Kermilla asked, and Briony winced. Some of the other girls had already been giving Kermilla flak for being seen with him.

"Does that matter?" Briony asked. "As long as he's interested in you," she said.

"Yeah, he's interested," Kermilla said. "But what if he can't get another position because of me?" she asked. The males chose their queen, they would be the ones who would come to a Queen and want to be in her court, but that didn't mean that a Queen couldn't turn away a male she didn't want. Sometimes even if a male was drawn to a Queen and Queen to a male the Queen would still turn him away if there were suspicions surrounding his reputation.

"You shouldn't worry about it yet," Briony said. "You can worry about it if it actually becomes a problem. For now, focus on tests. We've only got two weeks until our break begins," she pointed out.

"True," Kermilla said. Yes, tests were much less stressful, especially since the material was easier since she remembered most of it.

* * *

**One Hundred Fifteen out of Seven Hundred Thirty**

Kermilla had been ticking off days on her calendar when a servant came to tell her that Lady Sabrina was requesting she come for an audience. She remembered doing this every time they finished testing. She'd had an audience with Sabrina four times when she was in training. This would be the fifth time. It caught in her throat but she choked it down and used the spells that Briony had taught her to straight her blouse and skirt.

She was nearing a third of the way before her appearance started to become her own again. It still stabbed her in the heart sometimes when she thought of how some of the years when she would be her most useful had been stolen from her. She was still bitter, she didn't doubt that she would be bitter forever. Yet she refused to seem like less than she had to.

If anything she was even more strict with her appearance. Her outfits were flawless. She worked with her hair to make it as perfect as she could. Her nails were a proper length and always buffed. She'd even become more strict on her diet so she would retain her flawless figure. She would shine as soon as she could. When the change started she would become more and more beautiful day by day. Sometimes when Elizabeth and her cohorts were particularly cruel Kermilla would imagine the days when they would realize just how beautiful she was and just how plain they were in comparison. It would be a beautiful revenge.

She thought of this as she walked to see Sabrina. She was nervous. She hadn't so much as spoken to the Queen since she'd lost her court. She didn't even want to be in the same room as the woman who'd sentenced her to having to redo her training all over. But Kermilla was smart enough to figure out that if she made Sabrina too angry that even if she could get enough males together to form a court that Sabrina would never allow it, and Fenton talking about Glacia reminded Kermilla that even if she went to another territory that one word from Sabrina and she'd never have another court. No, better to try and play nice.

She curtsied when she came into Sabrina's study, acting as proper as she could. "Lady Kermilla, please sit," Sabrina indicated the chair across from her. Kermilla sat down in her most graceful and lady-like manner, the way her mother and aunts had drilled into her head when she as a girl. Perfectly proper and she could tell that Sabrina had noticed. Sabrina had never been that proper and never would be. "Do you know why I have called you?" Sabrina asked.

"For the twice-yearly review," Kermilla said. She'd messed up before, but she wasn't going to do that again.

"Yes, I can see how you would think so," Sabrina said.

"This isn't the review then?" Kermilla asked, feeling her stomach drop out. Now what?

"We can do the review," Sabrina said, picking up the pile of papers she'd gotten from Kermilla's instructors. "Your test scores are better than before," she said. "Your instructors say that you don't speak up in class much, but you know the information when they call on you, and you do well on your exams. They say that you're on track to going to work for a district queen next year," Sabrina said.

"Yes," Kermilla said, forcing herself not to say what she was thinking: of course she was doing good! She'd done all this before.

"Young Briony has put in a request to go work with the same District Queen as you," Sabrina said and Kermilla blushed. It wasn't uncommon for multiple girls to go to the same Queen to serve. A number of them had gone and worked for Cassidy before. It also wasn't uncommon for girls to request to be with their friends or to request to go to a specific district. "Do you have anything to say about that?" she asked.

"No," Kermilla said quickly and definitively. She felt her heart pounding in her chest though. A part of her believed that if she asked then her request would be rejected instantly and another part of her didn't want to say just how much she wanted to stay with Briony. She was the only girl who'd stayed by Kermilla's side with her face looking like it did. Briony actually liked her, not her wit or her looks or the way she showed off, she actually liked her. And when Kermilla thought about it, she was starting to like the younger queen as well.

"She seems very fond of you. I was under the impression that you were friends," Sabrina said, raising and eyebrow.

"Friends? Hardly, she just likes to follow me around," Kermilla said, throwing on her haughty attitude quickly. Wouldn't Sabrina force Briony on her if Kermilla didn't like her?

"I see," Sabrina said. Her expression was neutral, but it made Kermilla feel nervous. "Then why are you spending the summer with her?"

"She offered, I needed a place to stay," Kermilla said, pouting a bit.

"I see," Sabrina said. "In that case, you don't need a place to stay," she said.

"But, I do," Kermilla said.

"No, you've failed your protocol lessons and need to take them again. The summer is a perfect time to do this. You can work on protocol all day without having to be preoccupied with lessons," Sabrina said, looking down at her papers like she'd decided Kermilla wasn't really important anymore.

"What?" Kermilla asked, dumbfounded. "I failed? But I got everything right. I know I got the answers right on the exam, how can I fail?" she asked.

"You got all the answers right in words, but your instructor doesn't feel like you're absorbing what they mean. He believes that if you are not distracted by lessons that you may do better and has offered to give up his summer to work with you. You should be grateful. If you can't pass your protocol lessons then you cannot go on to work with a District Queen," she said.

Kermilla clenched her fists in her lap, looking straightforward at Sabrina who wasn't looking at her. So this was it then? She hadn't mentioned it to Briony, but she'd been excited and nervous about going to stay with her. She'd never stayed with another girl before… like they were really friends, and she'd been secretly very excited about learning more sewing. The prospect of making dresses of her own, one of a kind fashion that no one would be able to copy that would be fit the fashion and would fit her in a way no other dress had before because it was made just for her… that prospect had made her very excited.

But that wasn't a possibility, because she had to stay here and take more lessons in things she already knew. It wasn't fair. She could practically quote the damn protocol books by heart! She was doing the training over again, she had her beauty stolen from her, did she really need to have anything else taken away from her? She refused to hang her head or bite her lip or appear weak.

Sabrina looked up at her. It wasn't hard to see that Kermilla wasn't happy, though she was trying to hide it. "Though, if you already have plans for this summer, I suppose you can take more supplemental lessons in the next season," she said.

"As a matter of fact, I do have plans," Kermilla said, sounding proud.

"You just said that you had no where to stay, that you would be staying with a girl you find to be bothersome because you have nothing else to do," Sabrina said. "Are you lying now or were you lying before?" she asked, giving Kermilla a cold look.

"It doesn't matter," Kermilla said, standing up.

"Yes it does, now sit down," Sabrina said in a voice that gave Kermilla no option but to sit down. "I do not like being lied to."

"It doesn't matter," Kermilla said.

"Why do you think it doesn't matter?" Sabrina asked.

"Because you're going to do what you want anyway, so why do I need to tell you what I want just so you can step on it?" Kermilla snapped. She hadn't meant to snap, but she was feeling upset and she just wanted to escape the situation.

Sabrina sat back in her chair and an uncomfortable silence stretched between the two of them. "If that's what you really think about what a Queen does then maybe you should leave the training now and consider doing some other kind of work," the territory Queen finally said, deeply insulted.

Kermilla looked like she'd been struck. "No, I don't want to," she said, feeling stubborn. "I came back to do the training, I'm passing my classes, I'm doing everything all over again when I look like this," indicated her face with one slightly violent gesture of her left hand. "You told me that if I redid my training that I could have a court. You don't want me to lie to you, but you're going to lie to me?" she asked.

"I said that if you went through the training and the Province Queens and I thought you were ready then you'd be allowed to have a court, but if we don't approve you, then you will not have a court," Sabrina said.

"Well you can't decide yet, I haven't finished the training yet," Kermilla said.

"You seem to be mistaken about what a Queen can do," Sabrina said softly.

"And I don't think it's fair that I'm doing what I was told and you're going to take the last things I have away because you don't like me!" Kermilla snapped. "I'd rather go through all of this all over again so I can rule a court than to never have court again."

Sabrina paused and took a breath. It was so easy to get upset around this girl. "You already made a mistake before, lady Kermilla."

"And I'm already being punished for it," Kermilla pointed out.

"Which is why this is a special case. You are doing well in your classes except one, one that is very important to our society. I cannot allow you to move onto the next level of training until I can be sure that you understand protocol. If you work on it this summer then you'll have another chance in the fall and winter to try again if you fail again," she said.

"I'm not going to fail again," Kermilla said. "I don't see why I have to give up my summer."

"I would have thought you'd want to get the lessons over with so you wouldn't have to do them come the fall, especially since you have nothing to do."

"I do have something to do," Kermilla said.

"We've already been over this," Sabrina said, starting to feel annoyed.

"I already have something to do this summer. I have a place to stay and a job to do. It's not right that you demand I stay here when I don't even get pocket money," Kermilla said.

"A job?" Sabrina asked.

"I'm going to be working in a dress shop," Kermilla said, holding her head high, looking proud. "The one Briony's mother runs. She's going to teach me to make dresses," she said. "Briony thinks I have talent," she added. She was proud. She really enjoyed it. She wasn't going to be made to feel less for it.

"Then why did you lie when I spoke about Briony?" Sabrina asked.

"Because you wouldn't let her stay with me if I told you I want it to," Kermilla said, feeling a bit defeated for having to say it, but she was getting tired of this conversation. She wanted to escape it now at any cost.

"Lady Kermilla, why would you think that?" Sabrina asked.

"You don't like me," Kermilla said. "That's how things work," she said. That's how it had always worked in her world. Her mother had told her that if someone of power didn't like you then they could destroy you, and you had to use weaker ones, and keep them weak or they'd overtake you. It's how Kermilla had always worked.

"That's not how things work," Sabrina said. "I won't say that I'm fond of you, no, but you are a Queen in my territory. You have your good qualities, enough that Lady Angelline thought you were worth a second chance. Even if she didn't, you would still be a Queen from my territory. The fact that you have a young woman like Briony who wants to be around you… I find that encouraging," Sabrina said. "If you can pass your protocol lessons then I will allow you both to go to the same District Queen," she said.

"So I'll be here during the summer," Kermilla concluded, feeling her heart sink a bit.

"No, in the fall," Sabrina said. She also found it encouraging that stuck up little Kermilla would be willing to work in a dress shop for the summer.

"Is this over?" Kermilla asked, sounding tired.

"Yes, I believe so," Sabrina said, watching Kermilla rise to shaky legs. "About Prince Fenton…"

"What about him?" Kermilla asked.

"He's been visiting you often, I hear," she said.

"He's a fool," Kermilla said.

"He told Darlena that he's quiet taken with you," Sabrina said.

"As I said," Kermilla said. "He's a fool," she said and walked away.

Sabrina sat back after the young woman was gone and let out a heavy sigh. "It seems this will still be a long uphill battle in the rain," she said, quoting Prothvar. She smiled sadly and closed her eyes, thinking back to a different time.

* * *

**One Hundred Fifteen out of Seven Hundred Thirty**

Kermilla looked at her trunk. She would be leaving with Briony the next day, but she was already packed. She'd been tired and on edge since her conversation with Sabrina the previous day. She'd barely spoken to anyone at all. The fact that Sabrina had threatened to send her from the training reminded her of how tenuous her position was. She was really starting to wonder if maybe she shouldn't relocate to another town or something… somewhere that no one knew her name… though if she wanted to serve she'd probably have to get references from Dharo… and that meant Sabrina. She whimpered a bit until she heard a knock on her door.

"Come in," she said.

"I heard you were feeling down," Fenton said, walking in. "How are you feeling?"

Kermilla took a long, deep breath through her nose before she answered. "Would you consider moving to Terrielle?" she asked. Maybe there was a territory or a district that needed a Queen there.

"No," Fenton said, walking over to her, sitting down on the bed next to her.

"Would you come with me if I asked?" Kermilla asked.

"Yes, but I'd hate it," Fenton said.

"How could," Kermilla asked, leaning her head against his arm.

"Because I was born there… and my dad gave up his left arm so he could get me and my mother and brothers and little sister here… it would be a big betrayal of his sacrifices," he said. "You're not thinking about going back to Dena Nehele, are you?"

"No," Kermilla said. "How do you know about that?"

"I've been talking to the High Lord," Fenton said with a disarming smile.

"Are you insane, why would you do that?"

"He has a book project he needs help with and I like the Keep a lot," he said. "I think he might think I'm insane and he pities me," he added.

"You are insane," Kermilla said, laying her head back on his arm after she'd pulled away from him earlier to give him an astonished look.

"So, why are you asking about Terrielle?"

"I was considering moving there," Kermilla said.

"Any particular reason?"

"I don't think I'm ever going to be able to rule a court if I don't," Kermilla said after a moment of silence.

"What? Why?" Fenton asked.

"Sabrina hates me," Kermilla said. "I'm going to go through all this training and she's still never going to let me have court… I'll just be serving in another Queen's court, never able to build anything for myself and if I try to go to any other territory I'll have to have a reference from Sabrina if I want to rule anything and she'll still say no, so if I want a court I have to go to Terrielle," she said, sounding miserable.

"Did she tell you this?" Fenton asked, starting to stroke her back in circles.

"Didn't have to," Kermilla muttered. "Threatened to take it all away from me yesterday," she said.

"Why?"

"It's just a long story," Kermilla said.

"I can't help if you don't tell me," Fenton pointed out.

"I don't want you to help. I just want you to hold me and tell me that I'm wrong and it will be okay," she told him.

Fenton sighed and tugged her into his lap. "Okay gorgeous," he said. "You're totally wrong, and it'll all be okay," he said.

"Thanks," Kermilla murmured, leaning against him.

* * *

"Prince Fenton, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Sabrina asked. She liked the young man very much when he'd trained in her court. She had been the one to recommend him to Karla after all.

"I just need to be sure of something," Fenton said. "Are you not going to allow Lady Kermilla to have a court no matter what she does?" he asked.

"Did she tell you that?" Sabrina asked, leaning back in her arm chair. "Please, sit down," she added.

"She was very depressed about it," he said. "But I didn't think it sounded like you," he said, leaning forward in the seat he'd just chosen. "So I came to ask you."

"If she will complete her training at a level of the other young queens and the Province Queens and I think she's ready then she can have a court," Sabrina said.

"And you won't take her past into consideration?" he asked.

"It is part of her record," Sabrina said, but she wasn't giving an affirmation or a negation.

"If she completes the training to the level of the other Queens then why would you need to?" he asks.

"That is that point," Sabrina said. "If she is willing to commit to becoming a good Queen then I will not stop her from setting up a court," she said. "Though, I will admit that I find the number of trusted males who don't like her distressing."

"Well, you'll just have to get passed that. Not everyone likes everyone," he said. "There will be at least twelve males who will want her. Hell, I only need to find eleven more," he pointed out, smiling.

"You're really in love with her… you should be careful, one many already lost a lot being in love with her," she warned.

"Don't worry, the High Lord told me the same," he said. "I'm not worried… she really wants to build something of her own. I can tell that she's beautiful under all her faults, even with them she's beautiful, but she can shed some of them… it won't be easy and it will hurt… and I think that she might be cutting ties with people in her past that she really loved… but I can see what's under all of that, and it's absolutely radiant," he said.

"You sound convinced," Sabrina said with a smile.

"People grow and change. Sometimes our society acts like any little mistake is a scar none of us can ever overcome," he pointed out. "She's made many big mistakes and one day she'll hurt because she regrets them and not for selfish reasons… but after that day she'll be the Queen that I've always wanted to serve," he said.

"What do you see when you look at her?" Sabrina asked.

"A province Queen," Fenton said.

"Are you sure of that?" she asked.

"I've never been more sure," Fenton said, standing up. "We all make mistakes… some of us just a little bigger than others," he said.

"You're leaving?" Sabrina asked. "You should stay for dinner."

"I need to get back. I slipped off today because I'll be too busy this summer to see Kermilla," he said.

"Of, right, helping Karla train her protégé," Sabrina said. "And Lady Darlena is suspending your contract for the months you'll be gone?" she asked.

"Yes, to extend my time working with her," he added.

"Will you taking a better position when your contract ends?" Sabrina asked, rising as well.

"It depends," he said.

"On what?" Sabrina asked.

"How long the contract lasts," he said with a smile. "Have a good day Lady Sabrina."

"Have a good day, Prince Fenton."

* * *

A/N: Freak! I am done! I actually started this chapter… I don't know, last week some time? I'll be updating "The Pride" next… serious, I get tons of reviews on DA for that one, but none of … what's with you people?


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